“I do not understand what I do.”

Oh, how we love both to give and to accept this cop-out. Sometimes we use a slight rephrasing such as “I’m just wired this way” or “It’s just who I am.” Where do you allow yourself this type of excuse? My default defense for my sometimes-abysmal prayer life is “I’m just not self-disciplined in it.” Let’s demolish those flippant excuses by increasing our understanding of ourselves. Most often we do or do not do things because we are pleasure-seeking and pain-avoidant. In other words, we like what we are doing more than the thing we ought to do, or we find the thing we ought to do to be more painful, inconvenient, or uncomfortable than what we are doing instead. It’s amazing how far we will go to avoid even momentary discomfort.

Try this. Think of something you have been wanting to change, but you continually find that you are your own worst enemy. What do you do instead? Is it pleasure seeking or pain avoidance? See, you do understand yourself. In various ways and for various reasons, we want something else more (at least in the moment) or we don’t want that new change enough to be inconvenienced as we develop it. So, we do understand what we do if we are honest with ourselves.

“What I want to do I do not do.”

You can hear the confusion and see the shoulder shrug of hopelessness in these words. We must become less of a mystery to ourselves so that we can do what we intend to do. The first step is giving up your excuses. Then you must be clear on “what [you] want to do.” This requires detailed planning and realistic goal setting. For example, if you want to exercise in the morning, then you need to plan where and how you will exercise tomorrow morning, lay out your exercise clothes before bed, and go to bed early enough to get eight hours of sleep. You must have specific goals with clear action steps to make your “want to” become a reality.

“But what I hate I do.”

We all groan along with Paul as we feel stuck in the cycle of self-defeat. A bit of honest self-reflection and proactivity can go a long way to get out of this rut. Ask yourself, “What will I look back on at the end of the day and wish I had (or had not) done?” We already know what distracts us, what lures us in, and what we find more attractive than what we mean to do. For me, a common distraction is people. I am drawn to interact with people over most other tasks that I “want to” do. Therefore, if I truly “want to” get tasks done at work, I need to isolate myself. “What I hate” is falling behind in my paperwork. And I know that I must close my office door to resist the lure of being with people when I “want to” tend to my paperwork.

Choices Have Consequences – now and later.

Use your yeses and noes well. If you say yes to one thing, then you are saying no to something else. Whatever you choose to give your attention and energy to is, for that moment, more important than everything else you are saying no to. If I say yes to time with friends on my light workdays, then I am saying no to making progress on my writing projects. The opposite also holds. If I say yes to getting away from everyone to immerse myself in writing, then I am saying no to being available to people during that time.

Inevitably my choices now will have consequences later. Every time you say yes to anything now, ask yourself, “What am I saying no to both now and later?” Use what you know about yourself and your patterns. For example, if I say yes to staying up later than normal, then at the very moment I decide to stay up late I am also (now consciously) saying no to waking up well-rested at my normal time and then carrying out a healthy morning routine. You are accountable for how you use your yeses and noes as you live the life God has given you.  

Although our sin nature compels us to satisfy our wants even when they are against our greater needs or goals, we are not destined to self-sabotage. Most importantly, we must always seek to live in accordance with and be empowered by the Holy Spirit. When we do so, with greater self-awareness and accepting responsibility for our choices we can set specific and actionable plans, proactively solve for predictable distractions that take us off course, and be intentional with our yeses and noes.