Christmas with the Presidents
Jerry Newcombe
This article is adapted from Dr. Clark’s book, Minister Well: 52 Tools for Ministry Leaders (Birmingham: Brookstone Publishing Group, 2022), 15-20.
Whether we acknowledge it or not, many of us struggle with the desire for control. We want what we want when we want it. We seek to eliminate uncertainty in our lives by controlling as much as we can. And, frankly, we struggle to accept God’s sovereignty because it means someone else is in control of our lives.
Reflect on the account of Adam and Eve for a moment. Satan tempted them with the false promise that they could have control and authority equal to their Maker. And Adam and Eve truly believed that autonomy would be a good thing. While this may seem an absurd notion, we are all similarly tempted, in varying ways and to different extents, to believe that being in control would be ideal.
However, in contrast to the belief that we need to be in control, Scripture makes it clear that we are neither designed to be in control nor expected to be perfect. Consider the occasions in your own life, as well as the numerous Biblical accounts, where God has made growth from suffering, strength from weakness, and miracles from man’s mistakes. Contrary to the expectation that we should grow more independent as we mature in faith, God’s plan is for us to become increasingly dependent on Him (James 1:2-8). This may seem simple in theory: surrender the reins to your omnipotent, loving Father. Yet, in practice, this is often far more challenging to live out.
While we often believe we need to be in control, the Scriptures teach us that maturity leads to increasing dependence upon, not autonomy from, God.
Certainly, we can all acknowledge that our desire for things to unfold according to our specifications can be all-consuming. The need for control can look so many ways. Many of our controlling behaviors are masking very common underlying fears and insecurities. We may fear loss of comfort, security, safety, or status. We may have insecurities about who we are, how others see us, or if we are loved and accepted. We are trying to quiet a restlessness that psychologists categorize as anxiety. To alleviate this anxiety, we attempt to control and minimize uncertainties. Yet, this only exacerbates the angst, because we cannot control every aspect of our lives.
Understanding the root cause of our desire to control—anxiety—can help us address it effectively. One therapeutic strategy for challenging our unhealthy desire to control is to ask ourselves a simple question when we feel the desire to control growing: “What is the worst that could happen if things do not unfold according to my plan?” For example, what is the worst that could happen if I fall short in my efforts, if people do not approve of me, if my family or colleagues make mistakes, if I lose my job, or if people see my imperfections?
If you follow up this question with a second one, “Can I survive that?” you will likely discover that the feared outcomes you are trying so hard to prevent are entirely survivable. Let’s use an example of, “What is the worst that will happen if this work event is not well attended?” Possible responses might include “We will lose money,” “We will have wasted effort,” “I will feel embarrassed,” or “Others will be disappointed.” Sure enough, those are all undesired outcomes. But are they truly catastrophic? Could there even be unforeseen good outcomes from this seeming failure? Of course, the answer is yes. Reflect on past experiences where challenges, failures, or setbacks have ultimately led to unexpected blessings, growth, or success. Trust Him. Trust His plan. Trust His provision. As Christ prayed in Matthew 26:39b, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” His will is perfect.
A poignant example of this occurred with the abrupt closure of churches during the COVID-19 pandemic—a event that no ministry leader could have anticipated or controlled. In our church, a vision-casting was held just two nights before the shutdown. Our staff had invested enormous effort, people had donated money for the vision, and leaders had poured passion into planning. But with one fell swoop God halted everything. In circumstances that many would not think recoverable, new opportunities for growth emerged. Our church, like many others, realized that their staff was more adaptable and creative than they had imagined, and volunteers quickly responded to new needs. The church’s growth was clearly in God’s hands and not the result of human programming. God’s glory was revealed in ways no one could have predicted.
Practicing the technique above can be good for you individually, and it can lead to healthier relationships. By allowing others the freedom to contribute their own ideas and perspectives, we create space for growth and collaboration. For example, in the workplace, you might allow coworkers to add their creative input; with your children, you might allow them to organize their rooms as they see fit; and with your spouse, you might encourage open communication without feeling the need to defend yourself. Leaders, too, may occasionally step back from the helm, enabling others to serve and grow.
The Christian community thrives when we trust that God has ordained for each Christian to be integral to the body as a whole. Oh, how we impede this when we ignore or bind up some parts of the body. I Corinthians 12:12-27 describes the necessity of every Christian as necessary in the body of Christ—”one body but many parts.” By relinquishing our desire for control, we allow others to fully contribute their God-given gifts and fulfill their unique purpose within the body.
I am reminded of a reality show about a junior college football coach who works with players possessing great potential but who have made significant mistakes. These players had lost their spots on more well-known teams due to their past actions, but the junior college coach believed in their potential. The coach offered these young men an opportunity to redeem themselves in the sport. But if they mess up again, they could ruin the coach’s program and season, and in coaching that means that the coach could lose his job. Over time, many of these players went on to play for more renowned teams, bringing with them the self-discipline and confidence they had gained under the coach’s guidance.
Similarly, in the family of God, we are called to take risks on others, especially those who, like us, may have failed or faltered. Taking a risk on others means facing your own urge to control and trusting in God’s plan for them. After pouring into others as the junior college coach did, we must be willing to give them the freedom to succeed or fail, knowing that God’s plan and purpose will prevail.
Ultimately, the act of relinquishing control requires nothing more and nothing less than complete faith. When we place our trust in earthly things—be it our colleagues, family, finances, or even our ourselves—we are setting ourselves up for anxiety, as none of these things are guaranteed. However, when we put our faith fully in God and His perfect plan . . . I mean really let go of our grip on control . . . then He promises to fill our open hands and hearts with peace (Philippians 4:6–7). When our Heavenly Father tell us, His children, that everything will be all right, we can trust Him. As we are reminded in Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
While it may be easy to trust God in the grand scheme of life, we often struggle to apply this truth to our daily struggles. Therefore, we must challenge ourselves to let go of the need for control, trusting that God will work everything out according to His perfect plan. As we do so, we can rest in the peace and security that comes from knowing that we are in His care.
I will leave you with this challenge. Brothers and sisters, consider an area of your life where you’re holding on tightly—what would your life look like if you fully surrendered this area to God’s control?
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