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Parents: 7 Ways to Help Your College Graduate Face the Real World

Many college commencement speeches have very little real-world value. Instead of providing tangible guidance for the road ahead, they offer vague platitudes and inspirational fluff. The speakers challenge your son or daughter to reach for the stars, follow their heart, and change the world. On cue, they tell them to never give up on their dreams and always believe that “You’ve got this!” It’s as if the graduates have been invited to a banquet and given nothing to eat but crushed ice and vapor.

That’s unfortunate because your adult child is embarking upon a very challenging leg of his or her life’s journey. What they need right now is a substantive diet of timeless wisdom and practical guidance—something high in calories and nutrients that can sustain them during the challenges they will face. That’s what I provide today: seven ways parents can guide and nourish their college graduates, spiritually. A sort of seven-course meal to sustain them for the days ahead.

  1. Face your twenties with eyes wide open. Your twenties could be a lot more challenging than you suspect. The pressures of finding career success, looking for a spouse, and paying off loans can unnerve even the strongest of us. So, face these challenges with eyes wide open. But don’t let them unnerve you or tip you into depression. Instead of being anxious about these high-level decisions and responsibilities, approach life one day at a time. Each day, trust God with your twenty-four-hour period, do whatever needs to be done that day, and go to sleep with peace of mind.

  2. Don’t follow your heart when making big decisions. We live in an era when college graduates are encouraged to “follow their hearts.” Please don’t do that. If you follow your unaided heart, you’ll organize your future around sex, money, fame, or some other false god. Instead, do your best to follow God’s heart, conforming to his desires for your life. After all, he knows his plans for you (Jer. 29:11-13) and has known them since you were an unborn baby (Ps. 139:13-18). Let God be the life planner who guides you toward a career path, leads you to a spouse, and shows you where to put down roots.

We live in an era when college graduates are encouraged to “follow their hearts.” Please don’t do that.

    1. Don’t follow your heart when making big decisions. We live in an era when college graduates are encouraged to “follow their hearts.” Please don’t do that. If you follow your unaided heart, you’ll organize your future around sex, money, fame, or some other false god. Instead, do your best to follow God’s heart, conforming to his desires for your life. After all, he knows his plans for you (Jer. 29:11-13) and has known them since you were an unborn baby (Ps. 139:13-18). Let God be the life planner who guides you toward a career path, leads you to a spouse, and shows you where to put down roots.

    2. Embrace the political sphere as an ambassador of the true King. Finally, you’re old enough to vote and participate as a full-fledged citizen of our nation. Don’t underestimate the significance of this reality because God is the one who calls us to be citizens in a particular national context (Acts 17:26). Further, he calls us to be faithful citizens of those communities. That is why we should take our citizenship seriously by living upright lives, submitting to the law (Rom. 13:1), and praying for our leaders (1 Tim. 2:1-2). Our commitment to do so reflects our commitment to the true King.

    3. Prioritize your family rather than leaving them in the dust. God created us as social beings, and the family unit is the primary context for our socialization. “God sets the lonely in families” (Ps. 68:6). When we are children, our families minister to us in more ways than we minister to them. God works through our family members to feed and clothe us, teach us to walk and talk, and instill in us a religious and moral compass. In turn, we should minister to them by honoring our parents, being faithful through thick and thin, and refusing to leave them in the dust when our life accelerates.

    4. Remember that Sunday mornings are a litmus test. You might be pretty smart or successful, very independent and free-spirited. But no man or woman is an island. God created you for community and specifically for meaningful membership in a local church. Through the church, Christ makes himself tangible, orients you toward his will and Word, and guides you toward true freedom and happiness. In effect, Sunday mornings are a litmus test: will you “go it alone,” or will you take God up on his offer to make you happy, joyous, and free?

Through the church, Christ makes himself tangible, orients you toward his will and Word, and guides you toward true freedom and happiness. Will you go it alone?

    1. Define success in terms of the things you can control. There is no greater recipe for anxiety and depression than defining success in terms of things you can’t control—career success, marital bliss, fame and recognition, or otherwise. In fact, there isn’t much in life that you can control. You can’t control the past. You can’t control other people. You can’t control circumstances. And that’s why most people are so deeply unhappy. They haven’t learned that happiness comes from the one thing we can control: our response to whatever life gives us. Think of it in terms of poker. A poker player isn’t judged on the hand he’s dealt; he’s judged on how he plays the hands he’s dealt. So it is with us. Whatever hand God deals us, we are successful if we play that hand faithfully, to the best of our abilities.

As your adult child stands on the threshold of young adulthood and prepares for this crucial leg of life’s path, they need solid Christian wisdom—rather than empty secular platitudes—as sustenance for the journey. So, instead of perpetuating their childhood by dispensing platitudes such as “reach for the stars” and “follow your heart,” help them begin a journey toward authentic adulthood that involves facing their future with eyes wide open, finding their happiness in God, and embracing whatever may come their way. Do that, and you are guiding them toward a life that is happy, joyous, and free.

INSTITUTE ARCHIVE

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